Here We Go Again with This “Relationship Goals”

http://www.okayplayer.com/
http://www.okayplayer.com/

Ok, so here we go again with this “relationship goals”. That’s what’s trending now, memes of popular couples on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook. Well, at least that is what it seems like, am I right? Who makes these stuff up? As long as you and your significant other “look” like the perfect match, and you guys reached ya’ll “goals” into making everyone believe ya’ll relationship is aspiring, everything is all good. Posting pictures of you two smiling but in reality, it’s a smile upside down. The ship could be sinking down the water and you would still put up a front like everything is all cool and beachy. When you see pictures of just married couples, what type of goals are you trying to reach? Getting married before the age of 30 or getting married and staying married? There’s a big difference between the two.  You are probably in a good start: finished college, earned your degree(s) and landed or currently pursuing your dream job. All that is left is finding a man to share your dreams with.

But let’s keep it real: finding a man is hard to find if you’re constantly seeking. Especially if you recently got out of a relationship or stopped talking to the guy whom you thought was the “one”.  It’s not easy to “stop” loving someone, even if it’s for your own good. You can’t tell a woman to move on and find another man as if that’s a common thing to do. But what is common nowadays, is trying to pretend. After dealing with more than one heartbreaks and then you decide ok, if the next person comes along—I’m just going to go with the flow. Yeah, he’s not an eye candy but my parents would like him and he do have the potential of becoming somebody/having a title. Or, dealing with a man you know good and dang well he ain’t the one (your parents wouldn’t approve)—but you choose to “settle” because you honestly can’t see yourself being alone at this point in life. It’s amazing how social media can portray this make-believe image of couples looking so happy but in reality that’s not the case for some. Especially for celebrities, a perfect example would be Ciara and Future: Almost everybody was astonished when they first heard the news about Ciara and Future being a couple. They was like the hottest couple in the music industry—both benefiting one another, Future was exposed to the high-fashion lifestyle and Ciara was relevant again in music wise with her hit single “Body Party”, featuring Future. In other words, their relationship was like a publicity stunt. But as soon as ish hit the fan, people started bashing Ciara—America’s sweet-heart pregnant out of wedlock, just another one of Future’s “baby’s mama”. What we thought was a love story ended up being a tragic story all along, just trying to “fit” into the perfect love story. But look at her now, she seemingly looks happy being engaged to a multimillionaire football player, Russell Wilson (I’m rooting for them). Life is perfect for her, at least we know based on the pictures we see on social media. I sometimes feel sorry for the celebrities, because they always have to maintain this lavish profile—even though everything doesn’t seem like its popping, they can’t express their true feelings behind cameras.

http://news.hiphopearly.com/
http://news.hiphopearly.com/

What’s worse is that we look up to these celebrity couples; Michelle & Barack Obama, Jay Z & Beyoncé, Stephen & Ayesha Curry, Ciara & Russell Wilson, Meagan Good & Devon Franklin—labeling them as “relationship goals”, not even realizing the work, time and effort it took to build their kind of love.  We as women put so much peer-pressure towards our significant other, into creating this “image” of love—but not actually nourishing or taking the time to appreciate what we have in front of our face. We’re too busy trying to impress the world of an image that may be physically but not mentally ready. Get it? The physical appearances on the outside of your relationship is beautiful; but you have to make sure to focus on the mental side, the inside as well. If your heart can feel it, why use your mind to believe that everything is fine when it’s not? At the end of the day, you’re going to log off and deal with the real issues anyways. Whether it’s you being in a “fake” relationship or being involved with a man who’s taken–(leave that man alone, you know he have a girlfriend/wife!), claiming what’s not yours was left back in 2015…sidelines are not and was never winning in the first place. Why put yourself in a position where a guy have absolutely no respect for you? It’s up to his woman to either deal with his bull or leave and as for you, have some respect for yourself to get OUT of that sticky situation if he’s having trouble choosing between the two of you. It may appear as if you’re in a relationship, it may feel like you’re in a relationship, but it’s counterfeit and it’s more like a “situationship”. Hiding your status with a man, (In my plies voice): “Ain’t no relationship goals bih”.

If you want true relationship goals: Put in the work and stop comparing your relationship with others. I’m going to use my relationship as a great example: Three years ago, I was the QUEEN of comparison. There was this couple on Instagram who I admired so dearly (Heather Lindsey and Cornelius Lindsey). What I love so much about them is that how they were so involved in church and their spiritual lives were one. I would go on her page and view all the inspirational quotes/beautiful pictures she shared along with her husband and envied their love. I would use that to attack my boyfriend in every little argument we had (including the ones I made up just to start something). I would say things like:

“Why don’t you pray as often as you complain?”

“I wish you would pick up the Bible instead of being on Facebook so much.”

“I don’t want to hang out with you unless we’re doing bible study”

“For a guy who attends church every Saturday, you would think his social life outside of church involves religiously activities too.”

http://photos.essence.com/
http://photos.essence.com

Yeah, I’ll admit it—I was a meanie. Everything irked me about him because I was so caught up trying to mold our relationship like the “Lindsey’s”. I yearned to fall in love with a man of God, who knows the Bible in and out, teaching others to spread the Gospel and more. But I quickly learned to realize that it wasn’t right to compare and tear him down. In other aspects, my man was and still is a great man—a people person, always providing and putting others first, very generous, humble and he treats me like a queen! There were other ways he did his good deeds and that was away from social media, an important value I missed—everything didn’t have to be publicized. What more could I possibly asked for? The part of wanting a Holy relationship was something we both needed to grow into and patience was truly the key. All this time, he was my man of God and I almost took him for granted. Comparing your relationship to another is a big NO, NO. The grass may be greener on the other side, but instead of worrying about their grass—why not take the time to take care of yours? If you take so much time focusing on other people’s lives, you might miss a moment of your own that will be worth capturing.

http://cdn.hitfix.com/
http://cdn.hitfix.com/

Stop saying that you want to be in a good relationship, if you don’t have what it takes to be in a good relationship. Being in a good relationship means dealing with the bad that comes along with it too. Stating that you’re a good woman who have everything in life together, doesn’t helps your partner or encourages him to be the same way too. Too much ego can lead to a distraught situation. Your man may not have it all together, but do you have to remind him of that all the time? Every day is not going to be a “lovey-dovey” day, and he’s not always going to be superman, during the time he’s Clark Kent—it’s fine to put on your cape and be the “Shero” in your relationship. It takes strength to get through the struggles, it takes courage to fight through the humiliations, and it takes a heart to understand that the storm and rain won’t last forever. What are relationship goals? If he cares about your well-being, loves you for who you are and will sacrifice anything to keep a smile on your face–then that’s what I call relationship goals–not being the cutest couple or having the flyest matching outfits . No, relationship goals should be real life goals to accomplish; having a closer relationship with God, improving changes (if needed) through communication skills,  progressing through betrayals, arguments/ dishonesty, and loving each other unconditionally. We get so caught up with social media–viewing what we believe are relationship goals, but not knowing the true stories behind every pictures. It’s nice to admire but you can’t second guess what you have as if it isn’t worth fighting for. The only goal you should aim for in your relationship is to be truly HAPPY. This means being happy on social media and away from social media as well. Don’t let social media or what you see on television confuse you. If you’re single, don’t be in such a rush to get into a relationship–especially if you’re not ready. However, if you are in a relationship (a real one), and you’re contemplating on searching for someone better, (because social media or the romantic movies are persuading you otherwise)–don’t go for it. Chances are, you may end up with someone worse. A serial killer or someone’s cheating baby daddy, I don’t know but you just don’t want to risk it. This only pertains to those who’s been through the rain/sunshine and are truly in love with their significant other. Whatever the case may be, every couples have what it takes to accomplish a successful relationship. The bottom line is nobody is perfect; stick with him and don’t give up on him.  Leave the relationship goals shenanigans as an entertainment, but don’t take it personal. It’s just social media…

 

Dhane Philord

Welcome to Real Pointers with Dhane. Everything you need to know about relationships, inspirations and fashion from my point of view. Enjoy!

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