Being More Than Just His “Bae”

“There goes my baby, there she go…there she go…there she go”

It’s most common for celebrity wives and girlfriends to have a title of being a “Trophy Wife”.  You know, “Beauty without the Brains” type—sole function to only look good and stay quiet. They feel useless and would rather not share and have their own spotlight. But for women who don’t have a celebrity man, it’s quite hard to distinguish themselves outside of the relationship, especially when everyone knows them as just his “bae”. In every family cookout, reunion, gatherings and social event—they are introduced as:

“Oh, that’s Johnny’s girl!”

“I don’t know who she is, but that’s Johnny’s bae!”

“Who? Oh, you mean Johnny’s girl…yeah, I don’t know much about her but that’s his little girlfriend I guess.”

“She ain’t nobody but Johnny’s boo-thang.”

“No need to remember her name, she ain’t gone last long…”

The odds of differentiating “His Bae” label from who you are (before you met him) is slim, especially if you’re not engaged or married to him. His Dad Frank could care less what you do for a living, Momma Tina don’t even like you, his Uncle Tom keeps confusing you from some “imaginary” girl name Becky and his sister Mya likes his ex-girlfriend better than you. But how do you get yourself out of that and into being more than just his “bae”? One of my biggest fear of being in a committed relationship was to lose my self-identity. I didn’t want my whole attention and life to be centered on his lifestyle. After experiencing my fair share, I came up with a few ways of putting some “RESPEK” on your name.

Get To Know His Family/Friends

I don’t know about his friends, nowadays getting closer with his friends could possibly end up in a situation-ship, catching feelings for one another. I wouldn’t stress so much about his friends, some may come and go. But in most case, one of the best way to avoid being just his girlfriend is to be more acquainted with his family and loved ones. I’m a family-orientated person—the first time I met my boyfriend’s family, I had an agenda to get to know each family member and vice versa. Not only does it builds a stronger connection between you two, but it also gives his family/loved ones a more understanding of who you are as an individual. Alert: If your man have no intentions of introducing you to his family or loved ones, this could be a red flag and obvious signs of a non-serious relationship. In other words, either you’re going to converse with him how you feel about it or end the relationship ASAP. However, if he’s willing to make that move but his family/friends don’t seem as enthusiastic to meet you, then: *in my Beyoncé’s voice* to the left, to the left…

I’m only kidding! (Insert laughing emoji).

That shouldn’t discourage you to still try and in the most respect matter, if things don’t work out for the best—continue to be cordial and cooperative. Remember, you’re going to marry him NOT his whole family. They’re either going to like you, pretend to like you or don’t like you period—either way, your main priority is not to please them. The part about my relationship—we have this connection where his family is my family and my family is his family type of thing. Just like any other families, there’s going to be a feud or a family member being one sided against you. You have to understand that it’s ok to be left out sometimes. Don’t beat yourself up into thinking that not being on good terms with his family members will jeopardize your relationship. So instead of staying-in and missing out on all of the family function, flip that frown upside down and be accompanied by your man through EVERY events he invites you to.

Trust me, I used to be the same way—every thanksgiving my boyfriend’s side of the family would host a huge gathering in Miami. In the beginning, I hated it because I felt like it was way too soon to meet his family. I didn’t want them to think I was trying to “fit-in” and rush into things.  I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost five years, if it’s anything he loves more, it’s being around his family members. I made it my priority to engage myself in as much family activities as possible. Not only did it made him happy, but as each year went by I’ve became more comfortable of being around his family. There was definitely progress along the way too—less tensions, more laughter s with each other than whispering behind my back, open conversations instead of private ones with everyone and even having the honor of being the bridesmaid to his cousin’s wedding! That’s one of my joy of being with him today, his family is honestly my family too. It may not be very sweet for some in the beginning, but give it some time and patience—it will all come together in due time.

Building a Platform for Yourself

Ok, ladies now let’s get in FORMATION: It’s 2016 and the only relationship goals we should be focused on are real-life goals. Speaking of goals, I’m hoping we’re all on the same page of being a GOAL-Getter and not a Gold-Digger. (I’m not bashing others—there’s nothing wrong with having a different route, by all means support your hustle and just do you boo-boo).This post is targeting those who either seeking to be in a committed relationship or currently in a committed relationship. Back in the day, it used to be cool dating a man who had everything going for himself; a car, a nice job, his own place to stay and a really nice job. Remember? In fact, some women were so infatuated to hear these words coming out from a man’s mouth:

“Aw, baby come on…you know I got this, you don’t even have to work”

“Stop whatever you’re doing, I’m going to take you shopping.”

“Price tags? Where they do that at? Just throw it in the bag”

“Here’s my credit card, go splurge on yourself”

“I got your bills taken care of, relax baby”

“Don’t worry about all of that, just know that I got you”

Yeah, everything is great and all, if you want to be dependable. Don’t get me wrong, you gotta good man if he’s treating you to all of that and more. But what I’m trying to say is give yourself a little recognition to put out what YOU can do for yourself. Think about, before you met him—were you able to do all the above too? What if (hypothetically speaking), you were no longer in a relationship with him, where would that lead you to? Back to being plane Jane without the finer things in life? That’s why it’s so important to build a platform for yourself and if you already have a platform, it’s also important to maintain and value it as well. Being in a committed relationship, doesn’t mean you have to drop whatever you had going on with your life and invest EVERYTHING on your man. For me, that’s a big NO NO and I won’t ever be satisfied of being just “his bae”.

Have you ever heard of the saying, “Two income is better than one”? It signifies the meaning of a “Powerful Couple”.  It goes deeper than that, in reality—a man wants a woman who is equal to him. Fellas am I right? Nowadays, a man is looking for a potential wife that can beautiful, smart and have a career. Real men aren’t out there chasing eye candies, they’re patiently waiting to meet their better half. At this rate of good man left in this world, it’s highly recommended to have something going for yourself. Most men won’t say this face to face, but another way through a man’s heart, besides food and good-loving is finding a woman who’s passionate about their purpose in life. Whether it’s finishing medical school to become a doctor, entering law-school to become a lawyer, opening up your own restaurant, being the CEO of your own company or becoming a teacher/professor at a school— any man in their right mind will find a way to make you his Mrs. Right. Women who are achieving or pursuing to achieve their goals in life are winning and if you’re not a part of that winning group then what are you waiting for? It’s never too late to go back to school, it’s never too late to work on your dreams and it’s never too late to build a platform for yourself. Just make sure you’re doing it for the right reason—be certain that you’re not doing it ONLY to get a man or for your man but to also better yourself in life.







  1. You’re such an amazing person , very creative and mind blowing, clever, beautiful and such an inspiration and role model to young people. I admire you dearly as my cousin, and your creativity. I love you as a person and as a family . May God continues to hep you get all your deeams come truth my dear. Love you always and forever

    1. Omg, Cici!!! I just seen this message! Wow, I love you soooo much! Thank you for making my day cuzzo, I’m so thankful to have you as my cousin. You inspire me everyday, and I look up to you…this means so much to me! Thank you, because of you I’m following my dreams!

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