Escaping the “Friend Zone”

jealous-and-possessive-boyfriend-300Lets be real, I don’t think there is a woman in this universe who would settle for being just friends with the love of their life. OK, reality check: He’s the love of YOUR life but obviously, you’re not the love of his life.  We as women are sometimes delusional. (Yes, I said it…delusional.) We are convinced that everything is all good despite of the clear evidence, which shows the complete opposite.

Here is a scenario that shows signs of entering the “Friend Zone”:

You sent him a text replying: [Hey, what are you up to?]

He replied back (20 minutes later): [Nothing much.  Heading out to grab something to eat.] Short reply. No invite.

You’re smiling, happy that he finally replied back and then you text: [Oh cool, where are you going out to eat? Can I come?] You just invited yourself to go out to eat with him.

15 minutes later, he text back: [ If you want too.]

Now, men who shows no interest through a text (not all men)  will “selectively” respond back to a text that has more than 2 or 3 questions, with just ONE answer. Try re-sending that text-question again and watch how he’ll ignore the question and text you back a day later with a text like, “Hey…”

Resume back to the scene: You’re doing the happy dance when you seen his approval message. This is the first time you’re going out with him, and you’re letting your home girls know that you can’t hang out tonight cause you’re going out on a “date.” So now you’re getting ready; you bring out the little black dress and those cute pumps you’ve been dying to wear since God knows when.  A selfie pic has already been uploaded through your phone and into Instagram and Facebook, entitling it: “Date Night”.  At that moment, he shows up in front of your parking lot and he shoots you a text that he’s here.

(PAUSE.) Normally, when you’re going out on your first date, the gentlemen makes his way out of the car and in front of your doorsteps to greet you in a romantically mannered kind of way. Am I right or wrong?o-MAN-DOOR-FLOWERS-facebook

In some cases, (depending on how special you are to him) he surprisingly presents you with a bouquet of beautiful flowers or a box of chocolate. (If you’re a chocolate lover like myself.) He’ll then greet you with a warm smile and gesture his way in for a “You look so good” kind of hug and if you look that good, a sweet kiss on the cheek won’t hurt either. (No lips or  tongue action, you have to keep it classy on the first night.)

But instead, (resuming back to the scene) he’s in the car browsing through his phone, music turned up just enough for him to jam until you get here.  You step out the house, making your way into his car. Keep in mind, he’s still in his car, but now his full attention is on you as he examines you from head to toe. He does a quick shrug off and starts the car without even giving you an ounce of a compliment.

Here is where we as women get confuse: You don’t want to accept the fact that a compliment wasn’t given in any form of way. But in your head, a compliment was given through a “speechless” kind of way. He couldn’t even find the word to describe how good you looked, huh?  Speechless. You took his breath away girl…r_-_bad_boyfriend_300x400_0

(Ending Scene), he finally makes his way in through a Burger King drive-thru, ordering his food first and then looks your way to see if you wanted anything to eat. You’re not hungry but you ordered anyways. The orders completed; he then heads back to your place with a burger on one hand and the other hand on the steering wheel. You’re home. He unlocks the door and ended the night by saying, “Talk to you later.” He didn’t even stepped out of the car to open your door (now with some men in this generation, it’s probably not a big deal).  But the night ended, no goodbye kiss or even a good night hug. It’s over.  Just like that.

Reality Check: The love of YOUR life (for the first time) takes you out to eat. (Pause.)

Noticed how I stated that he took you “out to eat” and period (.) He did not take you out to eat at a fancy restaurant or a nice place near by the beach, no. He just took you out to eat…at Burger King. That’s when you know for sure that it was just a regular night. There was no need to put on your freak’um dress or rock your fly pumps. But in your head, (and here is where the delusional scene comes in), you thought it was an official date. You made an assumption that he was going to take you out to a nice dinner but clearly, you invited yourself to go out with him for a quick bite to eat. From that point: You’ve just entered the friend zone without even knowing it, or maybe you did know but would rather be stuck in denial about it.

downloadYou can escape the friend zone by accepting the truth: You’re nothing more to him than just a friend. With that being said, escape by simply moving on. If a guy sees you as just a friend, then you will be labeled as just a friend. Don’t waste time beating yourself around it, to make him prove otherwise. A man knows exactly what he wants from a woman from day one.  At first sight, some men can automatically categorize the type of woman they would prefer having as either his girl, his home girl, just a friend, the type of girl he can text whenever he’s bored, a sideline, or someone he could “kick-it” with. He may not be straight forward about it, but don’t miss any signs that will show you that he’s not going to take you serious. You can’t sit around thinking later along the way, he will change his mind and would soon want to make it official. You’re making yourself fit in way too comfortable in the “friend zone”, and he wouldn’t mind taking you for a nice ride on the “Emotional Roller-Coaster”. Black Couple in love

Confrontation is also the best way of escaping the “Friend Zone”. Let him know how you feel and if the feeling is mutual than take it to the next level. Inform him that you want to take this serious and start a relationship with him. Don’t beat around the bush and ask:

“I like you and you like me, so what are we?”

“We’ve been talking for a while now and I just want to know where do we go from here?”

“I don’t know, can we make it official?”

You don’t want to ask the never-ending questions that may sound unsure or indecisive about your true feelings for him. It will only leave him more confuse than you already are of trying to escape the friend zone. Get straight to the point and be real about the situation.

“If you want something, you better make some noise.”

-Malcolm X


Until next time…


Dhane Philord

Welcome to Real Pointers with Dhane. Everything you need to know about relationships, inspirations and fashion from my point of view. Enjoy!

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