The “Real” Thing

Ain’t nothing like the real thing baby. A man who knows how to treat a lady and meets every characteristics a woman desires in a man: romantic, employed, trustworthy, educated, affectionate, a great provider, funny, Christian, supportive, caring, tall, fine, mature and family-oriented. Women may want a lot of things from a man, but how do we really know what we want or what we have is the “real” thing? How can we set our standards and requirements to a certain level to where a man looks at you and states, “this woman is special, I know she’s the one.” ? How long should a woman date a man to find out that he’s truly a keeper and not a cheater? Is he in for the long run or do he just want to kick it until he “hits” a home-run?

I understand that some women prefer casual dating or in other words, the wam-bam-thank-you-ma’m type of dating. The type of dates where you know it’s not going anywhere, but you would rather stick around and enjoy the ride until it last.

But some women, (including myself) date for a purpose. When I talk to someone in whom I find intriguing, I let him know straight up what I’m looking for: someone who is compatible to be in a serious relationship.  If we’re not on the same page, there’s no need for me to continue flipping through the pages to match his interest because clearly we’re reading a different book. Don’t waste time trying to mold a man for who he is not; if the man says he’s not like Denzel Washington, then believe him when he says he is not like Denzel Washington. We all know Steve Harvey, the host of one of the most popular radio shows “The Steve Harvey Morning Show” and best selling book author of Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.  When it comes to relationships and and giving out the secrets to a man heart or figuring out the kind of man women should stay away from, Harvey gives out a lot of advises and information to help empower women and our choices with men. I’ve read the book and also seen the movie, Think Like a Man (can’t wait until Think Like a Man 2 comes out!) and I couldn’t agree more with Harvey’s statements and ideal of a real man.

It’s quite challenging to date someone for a fair period of time, and not knowing the exact number of cdnstraightfromtheadays or months should it take to finally get past the dating phase and start labeling a title for each other. But if you keep on waiting, then you will NEVER have a title. According to Steve Harvey: Men have an agenda and every man has a plan. “Men don’t come up to you to just talk. We come up to you with a plan,” he quoted. “We’re looking across the room at you, and we don’t care about what your hopes and dreams. We saw something we wanted.” I remember a statement I quoted from my previous post in which says, “Men knows exactly what they want from a woman, the first time he approaches her.” Which is true, in my opinion. A woman should always take the initiative to form  “Look, we’ve been dating for quite such and such, everything seems good from here, I like what I see and it obvious you like what you see so where do we go from here.”

Lead your answer with a question. Just by asking the question, you have already given the attention that you would like to take the next step to be in a relationship with him. If his response is mutual, then you know it’s the real thing. If he strays from the question and give you a response like, “I need some more time to think about this, I mean I just got out of a relationship and I’m not trying to get back in one so fast.” Then give him some time to figure things out by himself’, do not wait on someone who had their mind made up the first time from the jump-start. Within 3 months, a title should be labeled, there’s no such thing as dating someone for more than 3 months without having a clue as to where you stand. That will be a complete waste of outfits, phone calls, text messages, movie nights and more. Set a time limit for the dating scene and see if he’s on the same page with you or just reading a different book.

Sometimes, our hearts can say one thing while our mind says another. In some cases, the heart and the mind will never agree on anything, especially when it comes to loving someone. You want to believe that the man you’re falling for is telling the truth and you want to give him your all to let him know how much you appreciate him. But your mama didn’t raised a fool, any man can say “I’m not like the rest of the guys”, but it only takes a real man to prove it along with his actions. Some of you may disagree with me on this one, but giving it up on the first night is not the right way of action to prove he’s different from the rest. Ladies, our body is a Temple. In my opinion, our body is one of the most important and precious parts on this earth. We respect ourselves by simply loving and respecting our bodies. The only way for him to differentiate himself from the rest is if he respect you:

  • If you decide to wait until it’s the “right” time, he should respect your decision to wait until it’swww.mediatumblr.comthe “right time”
  • If you want to take things slowly and wait until marriage, he should respect you enough to wait until marriage
  • If you don’t want to get to that level of intimacy at this moment (and it can be at any moment, whether it’s been days, weeks, months or weeks), he should respect your time request and avoid the subject until you are comfortable and ready to get to that level of intimacy

Wait. Sex can wait. You should never feel pressured to do it and if your date can’t wait, then kick him to the curve. The feeling of being intimate should be mutual and taken extremely serious. As a matter of fact, that should be the last thing on his mind. His main focus should be getting to know you mentally and emotionally as a person. Physical attraction is temporary if the personality doesn’t match overall. You can pretend to look like the “image” of his dreams, but you have to be real with yourself  from the inside. Ask yourself the following questions below:

buzzlecomWill this man still look at me the same without my makeup?

Does he find me more attractive with my clothes on?

How will he feel if I decided to rock my natural hair?

Am I beautiful in his eyes?

Does he treats me with respect and love me through my flaws and all?

Can I trust him with my heart?

Nothing is rushed when love is involved. Love is patient.

People complain about the least important things in life,  not realizing that even the littlest things in life matters the most. Your ideal of a man may not have all the money in this world, but he provides everything that you need and make sure that a smile is always on your face. OK, so you think that he’s the right man for you but your friends think it’s a downgrade from who you used to date. Your “besties” will take you down to memory lane, rambling in your ears about the time when your X USED to take you out to 5 stars restaurants or how your X USED to spend crazy money on you at the mall and how your X USED to take you on a ride every week riding the latest nice cars.

Not Alone but LonelyBut what they forgot to mention is how your X USED to make you happy and how he USED to be the man until you found out how much of a low-down dog he really was. Comparing your current mate with your X is a big No NO! Don’t ever let other people’s opinion (especially your so-called-friends) affect your relationship status. It is YOUR heart on the line, not theirs. The guy you’re currently dating may not drive the finest car or splurge on you uncontrollably at the mall, but at least you know that he respects and loves you. You’re beautiful in his eyes with and without your clothes on. He treats you with the up-most respect and loves you through your flaws and all. You can trust him with your heart. You will know when it’s real when you feel it. When you feel it, you will know this is the “real thing’ you’ve been longing for….


Dhane Philord

Welcome to Real Pointers with Dhane. Everything you need to know about relationships, inspirations and fashion from my point of view. Enjoy!

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