Have you ever had this feeling when you’ve done something wrong in the past, later along the line a bad incident occur and then you get the assumption that it was God’s way of punishment? You sit there wondering, out of all people why me?
Here’s an example: You applied at a job that fitted your best interest and they called you in for an interview. After the interview, you’re for certain that you got the job, posting a status on Twitter, Facebook and a picture on Instagram quoting, “I just nailed a job interview, I know I got the Job!”. Then a couple of days later, you received a rejection email, informing that you were not the right candidate for the position. In your head you’re thinking:
“That’s what I get for skipping that old lady at the mall the other day, she had one item and my selfish behind just had to scroll in front of her like ‘I wish you would say something to me’. I knew that was going to backlash on me.”
“Yup, I knew it. I should have given in my tides and offer last week instead of spending my last few dollars on this MK (Michael Kors) purse, now I won’t be able to afford MK’s or any other name brands the way my bank account is set up.”
“Hmp. Those poor little ducks, sorry for the life-threatening fear in your eyes when I driven over the speed limit and not having one care in my bones to slow down for you all. Now I’m the sad duck facing yet another rejection from a job.”
Sometimes, you feel even worse because you’ve spoken to God about changing your negative ways as soon as you find a job or promising Him you would stop eating junk food if you lose such and such weight. Your determination after a series of breakdown, explaining to Him over and over, you will do better if things get better. You go down the list of all things you will no longer do, just so you can be in the place of your desire. When you finally get the job you always wanted or the weight-goal you’ve been trying months to reach, or the man who you so claimed found to be the right man for you; all of your words and promises to God goes right out the window. It’s a never-ending cycle. You tell God one thing and then you do the opposite.
I can admit, there are times when I felt worthless of His glory. I counted the times I didn’t show up for church services, the times I lied and hurt others throughout the years, the times I went behind His back and did the inevitable type of bad behavior, knowing He wouldn’t be happy in the end. Excuses led me into believing that I wasn’t good enough for Him. I tried to come up with every reason not to surrender my all to Him. My friends would always depend on me for helpful advice’s to get through a tough day or to find hope in the impossible, and I was always there to give it to them. But when I was in need for a shoulder to lean on or a word of advice, nobody was there because I pretended to be “OK” of “just fine” about it. I shrugged it off as if the guilt in my heart and the tears damped in my pillow during those particular night didn’t faze me. I was suffering from my own sins and didn’t know how to express my true feelings and break out of it. I was forced to portray a character who everyone thinks was happy.
Clearly, (at the time) I wasn’t happy. I knew this wasn’t the life I wanted to continue, to live at the pace where all I felt was discouraged, heart-broken and ashamed of myself. I woke up one morning feeling really blues. I felt weak and I wanted to give up but then I knelt down and prayed a simple prayer, “God, you know my heart”. I decided to trust God. I confessed all of my sins to Him and asked Him for forgiveness. Just like that, I was free from my own misery. I didn’t let anything stop me from being happy from there on, I was free. I was free to admit I wasn’t happy before and that I needed to be truly happy in order to live a happy life.
A tragedy (whether it is minor or major) in your life doesn’t mean that God is punishing you, it simply means that He is there for You in the midst of the storm and He will still be there to bring you out of the storm. When difficult situations occurs, some people think its best to be alone and disclose His presence. No, it is actually the BEST time to draw yourself closer to Him. Don’t ever think that you are not good enough to be in His presence at the time of need. You have to realize that the God we serve is a God with many chances who looks past your flaws and seeks through your heart. If you didn’t get it right the first time, you can get it right the second time, or the third time or as many times as you can until you get it right. At the end of the day, it is not how many times you fall that counts, but how many times you have risen up from falling that counts the most.
“Life isn’t about how well we can numb the hurt and focus only on survival. It’s about facing the pain so we don’t have to live with a mask and then silently wonder who we really are.” – Sarah Jake. Be happy not only from the outside but also from the inside. Take in consideration and be honest with yourself; Are you truly happy? What is it that is stopping you from being happy with yourself? How long will you allow your sins to take over your happiness in life? How much pain you can take after inflicting yourself with wounds and scars that you gradually ignore from time to time? When will you take responsibility of your own happiness? When are you going to stop fooling yourself to really be happy? Be happy for yourself. Do whatever it takes to be happy, even if it means letting some people go out of your life. Being “just fine” and “okay” will only last for a little while until you realized how broken you really are towards the end. Take the time out of your day to analyze your life.
Don’t worry about what others think of you or how it will affect your surroundings if you decided to change for the good. He sees you’re hurting and He knows your true feelings. He understands what you’re going through, admitting your pain will be the 1st step of finding your worth. You are worth it. It doesn’t matter what you did or didn’t do or should have done to feel complete. Everything is complete and will fall right in place if you lay your burdens down on Him. Repent. Trust Him. Believe. Love yourself enough to let go of the past and set a good mindset for the future. If you still feel some doubt within you and would need some more time to think through your life, just know that God loves you. Regardless of your shortcomings and wrongdoings, He still loves you. Ask why? Because He knows your heart. God knows your heart.