The Break-Up: Now What?

Wale- “The Breakup Song”


Breaking up with someone out of a relationship can be one of the most hardest thing to do for some people. There are feelings that was once there now gone and broken hearts waiting to be healed. At this point, you don’t know what to believe. You don’t know if the things he said was ever true or if he ever loved you in the first place. All of his messages are saved on your phone while you go through each of the messages and re-think, what went wrong. Was it you? Him? Someone else? How is it that a perfect love story all of a sudden turned to a worst nightmare? How can the man you truly loved end up being your worst enemy? Where did it all go wrong? Was it worth it? You can think of a million reasons as to why it’s over, the fact of the matter is that it’s over and there’s nothing left to it but to move it. But of course, it’s not easy to move on. Here’s how it starts up:

It’s 4 in the morning and you’re wide awake. You can’t go back to sleep because you’re still up reminiscing about what would have, could have, should have happened but it didn’t happen. For some reason, you can’t get that person out of your damn head, it’s literally driving you crazy trying to not think about him. But you’re stuck in bed, where you just can’t escape the memories and what used to be so real before the storm occurred. All of your emotions are suddenly coming back and you’re laid up in bed, missing that person heavily. But this time and you promised this was the last time, it is finally over between the two. There is no way you can rekindle the relationship. Your heart is heavy and you’re feeling weary because you know this is the end and you thought it would last a lifetime. As a matter of fact, this song can relate to how you feel…

Adele- “One and Only”

This may be the end of your relationship, but it is clearly not the end of your world. Okay, so the guy you once was madly in love with is no longer a part of your life. It’s been a rough couple of weeks trying to move on but it doesn’t get any better. No matter where you go, you are always reminded of him. It’s hard, you deleted his number off your phone but it’s still registered on your mind and you have every anniversaries, birthdays, Christmas Day, Easter Day, Valentines Day, break-up-make-up gifts that he bought for you over the years. It’s going to take some time to get rid of him for good and that’s normal. But there are ways where you can pick yourself up from that dusty relationship and move on without feeling an ounce of regret from the past. Here are 3 ways of getting over a break up and moving on.

1.) Clarify the Breakup

Nowadays, break-ups becomes outrageous caused by non-verbal communication. Some people don’t take the initiative time needed to work a minor issue out. They rather talk about each other instead of talking to each other. There’s no input, only outputs from other resources and people, which causes unnecessary conflicts and drama in each other lives. It’s better to leave in good terms, because you don’t want to lose your character being bitter over something that could have easily been avoided through communication. One thing you must avoid in order to maintain calm and comprehend with one another is social media.  Don’t ever express your feelings about your ex-mate through social media. As a matter f fact, avoid being on any social networks, until you are 100% sure that everything between you and your ex is handled respectfully. Control your emotions. Instead,  confront things out on the table and lay out any misunderstanding or misjudgments in the air. Clarify the reasons why the relationship ended and how will it affect you or your ex in the future. If you both agreed that there’s no reason to get back together, figure out a way to move on by either being just friends or choosing to go separate ways to end things smoothly. Whichever suits the both of you should be the better option of moving on. Just make sure that the two of you ended things with no hassle, grudges or regret. It’s much easier to move on stress-free without having to feel so bitter or evil.

2.) Take Every Opportunity to Go Out

Sitting home all day and watching hopeless romantic movies on Netflix will not help you move on from your break-up. Moping around in your pajamas at home all day will only make you feel lonelier than you already are. Pick up the phone if your girls are leaving you voice-mails to go out and have fun. Reply back to the text messages from your co-workers or family members who has been  waiting for an eternity to hang out with you on the weekends. Do not turn your phone off or threatened to throw your phone out of the window if no one haven’t contacted you in those miserable days, during your breakup. Call up your dearest friend and play catch up; go out shopping or out to the movies. Keep yourself occupied by joining any organizations or clubs  in your school, church or  community. Going out more often than usual will help you take your mind off of the breakup and may even help you appreciate the precious things in life. Don’t miss out any opportunity to get out of the house and exhale. Go out and be social, live a little or more.

3.) Start a New Hobby

I know there are times when you would wake up and say, “(9:00 am, we eat breakfast at our favorite spot every Friday around that time and then head to the beach afterwards”. You keep track on everything you used to do with your ex and now that you have time to yourself, you have nothing to do at that particular time.  Replace all of the times you’ve spent with him with the time to start a new hobby. If you love running, take the time to go out running at the park. Choose the time and date to go to the gym or a nearby training center and keep a steady schedule to attend daily.

During a breakup, some women tend to lose themselves easily by eating uncontrollably or slack off from being active period. Do not be a part of that statistic to let yourself go. Keep your body active and healthy by eating right and exercising. Try going to yoga class or take an exotic dance class lesson to let others know you’re doing more than fine without him. Heck, let yourself know that you do not need him to have a good time because you can have a good time all by yourself, and still look good enjoying your single life. Figure out something that you love to do or always wanted to do and take the time to do just that!

Getting over a breakup is never an easy thing to do but you can do it. Somewhere down the road, something went wrong and you can’t blame yourself for trying to fix it. You’ve done everything and said everything that needed to be said. Don’t worry about all of the bad times and you regret It’s over. The next step is to admit there will never ever be anyone like your ex and focus on building a brand new you. Leave the past in the past and live for today and look forward to a brighter future. If you haven’t smile for a while, now is the time to smile. Place your hand on your chest and feel your heart beating. That’s called life. It’s not over and you’re still living. Thank God for that and move on with your life, happily and freely. It’s a brand new day, start it off with a brand new you.



Alicia Keys- “Brand New Me”

Dhane Philord

Welcome to Real Pointers with Dhane. Everything you need to know about relationships, inspirations and fashion from my point of view. Enjoy!

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