So You Say He’s Just a Friend?

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How do you know if the man of your dreams is actually your male friend? You know, that one male friend who has been through the ups and down with you, keeps you laughing and could carry a conversation for days. The one that all of your homegirls constantly keeps bringing him up and asking the following questions:

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“Girl, why aren’t y’all official yet?”
“What are you waiting for? He’s the one for you, trust me.”
“There’s a chemistry between the two of you, he’s more than just a friend.”
“Are ya sure ya not secret lovers undercover?”
“Hmm, so you say he’s just a friend huh? I can’t tell…”

Everybody sees it but you, or maybe he doesn’t see it but you do.
Would you go what your instincts is thinking, “No, he’s just a friend. Why would I ruin our friendship over an imaginary feeling?” or do you follow your gut feelings saying, “Well, he is kinda cute, maybe I should give him a chance…”.
The story of figuring out whether or not your male friend may potentially be your boyfriend can go both ways.
According to scientificamerican.com, “New research suggests that there may be some truth to this possibility-that we may think we’re capable of being “just friends’ with members of the opposite sex, but the opportunity (or perceived opportunity) for “romance” is often lurking just around the corner, waiting to pounce at the most inopportune moment”. The fact of the matter is that there have to be a firm agreement on both parties-face to face AND verbally, to determined if the feelings are mutual of being just friends or more.

IMG_0899-0If there is no mutual agreement, it can create a whole miscommunication, misleading, delusional theory and assumptions between the two of you. This is called a “Mixed Signal” or in other words, “Mind Games”; A man contradict themselves via words/action when they are interested in a woman, “hoping’ that the woman would feel the same way too. On the other hand, the woman who the man feels attractive to may give him mix signals (such as talking in a flirtatious way, hanging out during late hours, calling him on the phone from time to time), which makes the man feel confident of his chance to make a move.

IMG_0903-0That is until the woman throws one hand up like, “Uh-uh, where is all of this coming from? I told you before, we are just FRIENDS!” Umm, yeah right . You sure wasn’t acting like he’s just a friend when he took you out to eat several times and lets not forget about the time when Tyrone did you wrong and your “friend” (as you claim he is) gave you his shoulder to cry on.
The same scenario goes for the fellas as well, vice versa. I’m just going by my opinion, but I think the fellas are just a bit more illusionary than women are when it comes to clearing out the friendship zone. We all heard these sayings before:
“I mean she cool and everything but that’s just the homie.”
“I just got out of a relationship and I really do see you as my girl, but the position that I’m at right now..I’m just not ready to settle down yet.”
“We’re just friends, why are you trying to make it any complicated by giving us a title?”
C’mon fellas. Just be real and let her know what’s really the deal. Get straight to the point!

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Don’t fight the feeling if the feelings are there. What are you afraid of, rejections? Me too, but what don’t kill you makes you stronger and the last time I checked, rejections don’t kill at all. It may hurt, cut deep but eventually the pain will go away. It’s better to know other than to assume and make an A double snakes out of the both of you. So when you get a chance to talk to your male “friend”, ask yourself these simple questions first (and be completely honest too):

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1.) If you seen your male friend with another girl, would you be jealous or react in a certain way?

2.) Do you see yourself with him in the long run or short run?

3.) Will it be worth it to risk your friendship with him and take a chance, and even if it didn’t work out…would you still remain friends with him?

4.) So you say he’s just a friend?

You never know unless you ask, right? Go for it!

Dhane Philord

Welcome to Real Pointers with Dhane. Everything you need to know about relationships, inspirations and fashion from my point of view. Enjoy!

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